


It's Just Not The Same

by Spideyfan62



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Adult Michelle Jones, Adult Peter Parker, And It's Peter's First Christmas Without Her, Angst, Could Be Canon, F/M, Grief/Mourning, May's dead, POV Peter Parker, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, Spideychelle-Marriage, Supportive Michelle Jones, moving forward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:54:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28177974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spideyfan62/pseuds/Spideyfan62
Summary: Peter sat there, staring at the long box that contained the old tree he had helped hang up for several Christmases now. Despite the fact that he was Spider-Man and had super strength, it had taken almost everything he had just to get it out of the closet, and he couldn't do much more than that before collapsing into the chair he was sitting in now. He couldn't bring himself to even move, much less get up and open it. There were just so many...memories associated with that tree.Memories of May, who was gone now.
Relationships: May Parker & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	It's Just Not The Same

**Author's Note:**

> In this story: Peter tries to move forward and prepare for Christmas with M.J. in the wake of May's recent passing.

Peter sat there, staring at the long box that contained the old tree he had helped hang up for several Christmases now. Despite the fact that he was Spider-Man and had super strength, it had taken almost everything he had just to get it out of the closet, and he couldn't do much more than that before collapsing into the chair he was sitting in now. He couldn't bring himself to even move, much less get up and open it. There were just so many...memories associated with that tree.

Memories of May, who was gone now. 

It had been a little over six months since Peter's aunt had lost her long battle with breast cancer, but as Christmas approached, the pain, the hurt of the loss felt as close and as sharp as it ever had. For most of his life, May had always been the one to take the initiative on decorating. She seemed to have a gift for how to set everything up just right so that everything looked perfect for the season. More than that though, Peter remembered the time they spent together. May was always a pretty joyful individual, but Christmas seemed to bring out another level in her like it did most people. She was always smiling, always laughing and making him laugh as well. To Peter, it was the epitome of a life being well lived for as long as possible. 

Even in her final days, she hadn't let her deteriorating condition diminish her joy. Every time Peter saw her, she had a smile on her face in spite of all the machines she was hooked up to. The nurses and doctors all spoke very highly of her as well, saying she was a joy to be around in spite of what she was facing. All the way to the end, May had fought to preserve every little joy in life she could. 

Peter knew she wouldn't want him moping around over her around what is supposed to be the happiest time of the year. He knew she would understand, both after having gone through this herself with Ben's death, but also because she just had a knack for being understanding in most situations. Still, he felt a responsibility to uphold May's memory properly this time of year by carrying on many of the traditions they had together. Yet, here he was, unable to summon the will power to even open the box the tree was in. He felt like he was failing her, and the the thought overwhelmed him. Peter buried his face in his hands, a few tears slowly beginning to make their way down his face. 

He was still in his thoughts when he heard M.J. sitting a box down on the counter across the room. He heard her footsteps as she walked across the room in his direction. He could feel her presence as she arrived next to him, but she said nothing. Instead, he simply felt her arms wrap around him and the side of her face resting against his shoulder. They just sat there, Peter sucking in the warmth of her embrace for the bit of comfort it could bring. 

He was convinced he would've fallen apart if not for M.J. The woman had been by his side through so much, and May's death was no different. She seemed to have this innate understanding that Peter didn't need to be talked to much for a while after that, instead offering simple but powerful physical reassurances like the one he was receiving from her now. Peter hadn't always made the best decisions in life, but marrying her had easily been the best. He was grateful that May had gotten to watch them tie the knot. Peter and M.J. had planned to get married shortly after graduating from ESU, but when May's cancer became more aggressive and began limiting her, they decided to simply gather the few they really wanted to be with them and were pronounced man and wife a couple months early. 

This filled Peter with more guilt, as this was supposed to be his and M.J.'s first Christmas as a married couple, but here he was, unable to motivate himself. 

He finally removed his hands from his face, wiping away tears.

"Peter," M.J. spoke up, her arms still wrapped around him, "we don't have to do this today. We don't have to do this at all, if you don't want to." 

Peter turned his head to look his wife directly in her deep, dark eyes, though he didn't answer her right away. The look on her face was one of grace and understanding; she clearly meant exactly what she said, that they didn't even have to celebrate Christmas if he wasn't up to it. She was willing to give it up if Peter wanted. 

She would give up anything for him, and he knew it. 

"No," Peter finally spoke up. "It's what she would want."

"Sure, but she would also want you to do it on your own time," M.J. replied. She had a knack for being direct towards him, but in a calm and gentle way. 

Peter turned his gaze back towards the box. 

"I remember after losing my uncle," he began, "May had me see a counselor, but I think she wasted her money, because she gave me the best advice. She told me that, no matter how life hits us, and no matter who we lose, we have to keep moving forward. She said the best way to honor our loved ones was to carry on living."

He turned back to face M.J. once more as he continued. 

"M.J, I'm not sure if I'm ready for this or not," he admitted, "and you're right, I know May would want me to take all the time I need. But this...this was important to both her and I, and I think...I think it'd make her happy." 

M.J. gave a light smile, nodding in response. 

"Okay." 

\---

They took their time setting everything up, each ornament meticulous in its placement. Peter was more than willing to take it slowly though, because it allowed him to reflect on all the happy memories that came with the process. May had always been one to make sure the backside of the tree was not neglected, even though it wasn't the area most seen, so he and M.J. made sure to put some things on the back as well, spreading it all out. He remembered her laugh as they talked and exchanged stories. He remembered the Christmas movies they watched together, with the tree always in view next to the TV. He even remembered their mutual sadness having to move on from Ben together when they spent their first Christmas without him. 

Sometimes Peter had to stop and take a breath for a moment, but eventually, the tree was up and fully decorated...except for the star on top, which May had always let him do. M.J. stood next to him, the star in her hands. It was clutched to her chest though, as she clearly sensed his hesitation. 

"You want to?" she asked softly. "I can if you want." 

"I appreciate that," he replied, "but I think I'd like to." 

M.J. handed him the star. Instead of climbing on a ladder, Peter simply leapt to the ceiling, moving himself into the best position to place the star. He started to reach out, but then he paused, his breath catching in his throat for a moment. He regathered himself, sucking more air into his lungs. 

"Here you go May," he said, placing the star on the tree. He then came down, landing next to M.J. They put an arm around each other as they stood side by side, looking at the tree in all its decorated glory. 

"You think it looks good?" Peter asked her, suddenly second guessing if some ornaments were too clumped together or spread out too much in different areas. His thoughts stilled as he felt M.J.'s hand gently press against his chest. 

"It's perfect," she said, smiling a bright, if somber smile at him. 

Peter returned her smile, pulling her close as he turned to look at the tree once more. Honestly, he wasn't even sure what looking at that tree everyday for the next several days would do to him; for all he knew, he could wake up tomorrow and have it just be a sore reminder to him of what he'd lost. For now though, it was a small step on the path to move forward again, and he knew that was all he could do. 

One step at a time.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my family's first Christmas without my grandfather, and I was feeling reflective. We were pretty close, but more than that, he was one of the pillars of my family as a whole. Moving forward without that person around the holidays is never easy. 
> 
> Hope this was able to resonate with some of you. 
> 
> Continuing to pray for you guys! Stay as safe and healthy as you can. 
> 
> "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." Romans 12:15


End file.
